And then, you fail

Really, you can’t always win. Sooner or later you have to fail.

Actually, I failed the past week and I am failing even more blatantly this week. I missed a lot of ticks on my to-do-list. I don’t think you want to know all the details. Do you?

  • I didn’t use my bicycle every day. I rode my bicycle once in an entire week.
  • I started to do facial yoga only today. Yes, it is rather hilarious.
  • I skipped meditation for two days straight. Yes, your honour, I did it. How was it possible? Laziness. Yes, I did find some interesting meditation scripts to meditate without using any app and… I did not print them nor read them at all. I started to meditate again this Tuesday, using the web application.
  • I didn’t write 1000 words a day. I don’t remember if I had posted this goal, but I remember having and missing it. Stephen Kings, with his 10.000 words a day, would ask me if I really think I can call me a writer. Ernest Hemingway, no more than 500 well-weighted words a morning, would be shrugging his shoulders.

Still, I am rather pleased with myself. I failed with grace.

  • I didn’t cry. I used to.
  • I didn’t overeat to compensate/punish my self-confidence.
  • I didn’t stop my work completely: Wednesday’s chapter is out there on The Charming Cookie Jar and Friday’s illustration is ready to go.

What I am trying to say is that failure is alright. It is a fantastic instrument to measure your ambitions, your strength and to check your path. Sometimes you have been too soft with yourself and sometimes you have been too hard. In any case, don’t be harsh.

I used to be a practising perfectionist and I am trying to quit. If I haven’t done all that I have planned, in the manner that I have planned, I wasn’t satisfied. You see, sometimes I stopped in the middle of a long and complex process to say myself that it wasn’t perfect and I have to start again from scratch or to stop it completely. Or to cry out of frustration.

It took me almost forty years to understand that perfectionism is bad and failure is good. Or, at least, not so bad as I’ve thought. Failure is a thing, a fact, your reaction is what makes failure an unbearable sin or a useful tool. So, the past week I failed. I told everyone: “move on, improve yourself!” and laughed at my failure. I was a fraud. Or maybe I wasn’t.

And you? Have you failed recently? Did you cope? In the meanwhile, thank you for your precious time.

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11 thoughts on “And then, you fail

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  1. I promised myself I would get my cleaning done today before reading all these lovely blogs; and here I am, indulging. This is just so much more fulfilling than chores. So, I’m not going to count it as a failure and live with a bit more dust.

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. I failed to complete a run everyday challenge because waking up in the morning is hard, but I love the way I reflect (in a mirror)
    I failed to do at least two blog posts every week, I barely manage to blog one post. But hey quality before quantity right?
    I failed to remember to forget someone, I wish could wake up with amnesia…….

    But hey some flaws are what make us US.

    ~B

    1. I think your last goal is the hardest to reach. Maybe you even don’t have to forget that person. Day after day the memory of that person will change with you, with your feelings towards that person, with life itself. Sooner or later, that memory will stop hurting to you. I hope it happens soon. Have a fantastic weekend and thanks for your visit 🙂

  3. It’s so funny: when I first started reading I though, wow, that is a long and merciless to-do list, no wonder she failed. Then I thought, she might be a perfectionist just as I am – a perfectionist on the road to recovery. Took me also exactly 40 years to find out. Feels good to let go of it and to let the joy back in.

    1. Hi there! 🙂
      I never thought of it this way: I never thought I was being merciless with myself but I think you did a good point. It’s easier to fail when you are asking too much from yourself. Maybe along this process of self-improving I was asking too much and expecting to have it too soon.
      Yes, it is nice to let go of it and let the joy back in 😉 Thank you for your comment, come back soon and have a nice day 🙂

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