The empty days

Sometimes, we don’t know what our days are for. When it happens to me, I call that day an empty day. Being a person with a fixation for perfection, productivity and control, empty days scare me and make me feel both useless and lost. Nonetheless, I plunge into the emptiness like a rock in a lake.  It’s like if my rational mind could not find a single handhold to grasp and so I spend all the day distracted by a thousand chores, doing none of my main tasks.

I tried more than one strategy to turn my empty days into productive days and all have failed me. Most of the time, it is just better if I focus on random house chores, to avoid those chores to distract me on a more productive day. I also tried to figure out what triggers an empty day and I am not 100% sure about my theory. I do know that an empty day or two can follow or precede my period. Sometimes, it happens after a day of intense work. Some other times, a long vacation could cause a week of low productivity afterwards, with more than three empty days. Maybe, empty days happens because of my control fixation. They could be a safety valve or an alarm. Maybe I need them to recharge. Maybe they are an escape I take from a present I am forcing myself to live, even if I really don’t want to live it.

What I do know is that empty days happen and I am reaching the conclusion that in some way I need them. From now on, I promise to stop every action and listen to them. I will let the emptiness be. I will embrace the emptiness and let it guide me wherever it wants to. It will not be easy. And you? Have you ever experienced these apparently meaningless days? How do you deal with them? Do you embrace the emptiness or fight it? I’d like very much if you share your experience. In the meanwhile, thank you for your precious time.

Note. If you ever wonder where do I find all these terrible photos, the answer is: my hard drive. Since 2012 I’ve taken pictures like a fool. This, in particular, is a shoot from a metro station in Milan. 

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