Next week, on Monday, I will be posting from Italy. After five months since our last trip, my husband and I will return to Italy for our summer holidays. I will bring the Ipad with me and, even if we have already bought our return, I will intend this as a one-way travel.
Simply, I don’t want to come back as the same person. I don’t even want to leave as the same person. I want to live these upcoming holidays as the daring, happy, energetic person I wish to be. Despite all my efforts, I am still complicated, fearful, clingy. I am not that way all the times all the days, but I fall into that kind of behaviour anytime I am not paying attention.
- anytime I push the snooze button on the clock to spend five more minutes in bed;
- anytime I “just give a look at Facebook” or to “read just one post”;
- anytime I choose to be offended, to get mad, to be angry instead of letting go.
I need to be more present. I think meditation could be very useful in this case, but I have also to let go of my fear of the present. I came to realise, along the past week, that I am scared of the present moment. Does it happen to you too? Have you ever felt this way?
I think I am going around the same problem I was talking about some weeks ago: the fear of the void. I am really scared of emptying my mind. I feel like that doing it, I will lose myself. But, rather amusingly, that’s all the point of it.
About the Brand new action plan which I posted about a pair of weeks ago (here full post), I must say I’ve done at least half the things I was meant to do:
- wake up around the raising of the sun and go to the park
- meditate at the park
- do at least one yoga position at the park
- turn back home, take a shower and snuggle to my sleeping husband
- read one chapter of “Dharma if you dare” at a day
- take a minute, every day, to appreciate something beautiful about a loved one.
I will prepare myself for the holidays by doing all the things in this list. That book still scares me, but I am going to read it right after pushing the “publish” button. 1, 2, 3…
In the meanwhile, thank you for your precious time and have a terrific week.