Getting ready to enjoy

Next week, on Monday, I will be posting from Italy. After five months since our last trip, my husband and I will return to Italy for our summer holidays. I will bring the Ipad with me and, even if we have already bought our return, I will intend this as a one-way travel.

Simply, I don’t want to come back as the same person. I don’t even want to leave as the same person. I want to live these upcoming holidays as the daring, happy, energetic person I wish to be. Despite all my efforts, I am still complicated, fearful, clingy. I am not that way all the times all the days, but I fall into that kind of behaviour anytime I am not paying attention.

It happens

  • anytime I push the snooze button on the clock to spend five more minutes in bed;
  • anytime I “just give a look at Facebook” or to “read just one post”;
  • anytime I choose to be offended, to get mad, to be angry instead of letting go.

I need to be more present. I think meditation could be very useful in this case, but I have also to let go of my fear of the present. I came to realise, along the past week, that I am scared of the present moment. Does it happen to you too? Have you ever felt this way?

I think I am going around the same problem I was talking about some weeks ago: the fear of the void. I am really scared of emptying my mind. I feel like that doing it, I will lose myself. But, rather amusingly, that’s all the point of it.

About the Brand new action plan which I posted about a pair of weeks ago (here full post), I must say I’ve done at least half the things I was meant to do:

  • wake up around the raising of the sun and go to the park
  • meditate at the park
  • do at least one yoga position at the park
  • turn back home, take a shower and snuggle to my sleeping husband
  • read one chapter of “Dharma if you dare” at a day
  • take a minute, every day, to appreciate something beautiful about a loved one.

I will prepare myself for the holidays by doing all the things in this list. That book still scares me, but I am going to read it right after pushing the “publish” button. 1, 2, 3…

In the meanwhile, thank you for your precious time and have a terrific week.

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8 thoughts on “Getting ready to enjoy

  1. hannalaasberg says:

    Oh, I know very well that: I “just give a look at Facebook” and “read just one post”. I usually arrive from work almost 8 o’clock in the evening and then I think I’m gonna look around in Internet few minutes. And these few minutes turn up to be HOURS. And something half past twelve I’m like “waking up” and realizing how long time has passed and I must go to the bed already and I’ve missed all these things I wanted to do. And then I feel bad for myself. I must learn how to just let go. It’s not so awful if sometimes I’m in Internet more time than I wanted or if I don’t draw or read every day. Because then there are days when I do so much. 🙂
    And you know, I have realized that if I empty my mind, then best ideas usually coming. 🙂

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