Maybe there’s nothing more to add. The title says it all: it gets easier, but you have to do it every day.
Following a healthy and active lifestyle gets easier day after day, but you have to stay on the line every day. (–> Note for Nina: follow more strictly the FIIT meal plan)
Speaking a language that it’s not the one you learn in your childhood gets easier day after day, but you have to do it every day. (–> Note for Nina: ok, it still feels as natural as wearing gloves all the time. But it will get better.)
Leaving your fearful and always self-doubting self behind gets easier day after… well, I suppose, it gets easier day after day, but you have to stretch out of your comfort zone every day and I must confess that my muscle fell sore like after my very first workout. I’m aware that I’m not putting myself “out there”.
You all know the metaphor of the little voice in your head that tells you you are worthless. Well, sometimes you are not dueling with something as recognizable as a little mean voice inside your head. Most of the times, I don’t hear a voice telling me that I can’t do this or that, I simply can’t see the options. Sometimes my husband gets frustrated with me because he still thinks that telling me how much he loves me and listing all my qualities would be enough. Well, it’s not. It’s not even up to him to make me happy. But I love him for trying so hard. Seeing his struggles pushes me to do more. But nothing is ever enough forever.
He tells me nice things and I thank him but that’s all. Because the battle is mine.
Nice things happen to me and I am grateful and the unhappiness is quiet for that day, but that’s all. Because every day is a new battle. Because the war will end with my death.
I don’t mean to sound tragic. It’s just what it is.
No event in my life has been or will be so transformative to allow me to put down the fight once and for all. Nobody conquers happiness for the rest of their life. Don’t believe that promise. You can armour better, you can gain supporters and it could get easier but it won’t end.
In a way, this thought should console you.
Just think, you don’t have to do something big. You don’t have to wait for something big to happen. You can do something small today. And tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after… you know the gig.
And, in the meanwhile, you can develop some compassion. I promise that, if you can see that the people around are fighting a battle not much different from your own, and develop some compassion for them, you will forgive more yourself as well. I don’t mean that you’ll become self-indulgent but that you’ll start torturing yourself a little less.
Ok, now I’ll stop the preaching and go to bed. I put myself at the desk to write down some notes, maybe to whine a little and look here… I’m behind a pulpit. In my PJs!
Good night/good morning everybody,