MORNING THOUGHTS #4: my rules

I am here with my laptop on my lap and I’ve just realized how much I missed being able to write from the couch. Kinda of a vapid though, right? Well, to me it’s a matter of regaining my personal space. In the two years I spent living alone in the big city, (the big city being Milan) I experienced the highest grade of freedom of my entire life. I lived in the tiniest studio apartment, which was no more than a room with a sofa-bed, shelves, a kitchen, and a bathroom, and I dwelt in it like a badger in its den.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being married to my lovely bear who dreams – and will always dream, no matter the size of our actual residence – of a bigger house. We are smoothing each other corners with increasing easiness, thank you very much. But when I was completely by myself, my level of freedom was its highest. And it wasn’t just because I was living alone – you could not physically place another human dweller in that dan – but because of all the ghost flatmates I left outside the door of that peculiar flat. At that time, I was 35, I had previously lived by myself and with other people, I was financially independent and I was ready to not give a damn about how things should be done.

So, as you are already guessing, yes:

  • I kept my sofa-bed into the bed version all the time
  • I cleaned whenever I felt the flip to do it
  • I ate from a tray placed on the bed all the time
  • I binged watched movies
  • I wrote from my bed all the times

And, most the important thing of all…

  • I didn’t read any single “how to…” guide to anything.

How could I have forgotten that?  Or… why am I reminiscing this (probably fake) memory right now?

Probably, because in the last months I’ve read one self-help guide too much. I’ve read guides on how to be stylish, how to be more positive, how to be a Stoic, how to tidy up, how to just stop tiding up and throw everything away, and how to save money while buying everything again, but with more style, positivity and Stoic-ness.

I also watched videos on Youtube on the same themes, and then some more about movies and books analysis. I had an insatiable thirst to be told what to think about things. I tried to follow a super-effective-people guide, and then a Stoic one, and now I mostly waste my time on Pinterest, jumping from pin to pin like a flee searching for her forever host. The last guide I landed on was one on how to start knitting and I think it was the most useful of them all.

See, when you realize your parents gave you poison together with love and care, and you reject most of their teachings but you are still insecure as hell, you look everywhere for someone to tell you what to do… expecting you to fail. But nobody gives a… ahem… flip (?) if you fail or not. So, it so not un-rewarding that you fall out of love with it pretty soon.

Then, you remember the time your entire home was a room, your bedroom, and how that space meant freedom because it was the same space that meant freedom back at your parent’s house. It was immediate: you entered that room (your home) and you were the sole, undisputed, ruler of that tiny land.

Why couldn’t it be the same, once I got married? Because being a married woman came to me with all the spoken and spoken rules my parents attached to that, and a home to share with my husband came with its own set of rules. You do this in this room, and that in that other room. You eat here, and you sit there. At this time of the day you’ll do this, and this other time you’ll do that. Most importantly, I believed all those rules were simple good sense rules, not impositions from my subconscious.

Together with my husband, I started to unravel and scrutinize those rules. By now, we have dinner on the couch, vacuum the floors once a week, let the cat sleep on the bed, and so on and so forth.

But, for quite a time, I didn’t have a P.C. I could carry to the couch with me. Now that I have one, I did carry it to the couch, and I got all those positive vibes back. As the said goes: location, location, location.

From now on I think I’ll stick just to the knitting guides. And you, guys, have you find your favourite spot? What is that gives you your juices back?

In the meanwhile thank you for your precious time. Have a good Sunday 🙂

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